Thursday, April 1, 2010

Confidence

I am in a yoga teacher-training program, and we are nearing the end of our classes. I am in training to teach vinyasa flow yoga, which means every class is different, has a spiritual/inspirational theme, and music to match. The poses flow one into the next, so the entire thing is like choreographing a musical. I have been blessed to take classes from wonderful teachers, and can only hope to live up to their standard. If you can't tell, I'm experiencing some self-doubt.

We have practiced teaching each other small parts of a class and relating a theme. I am no huge fan of public speaking, and I find myself getting shaky and tense, wringing my hands in front of me, and speaking softly. I am also discovering that the presentation of a theme, and the designing of a class, is very personal. I am not reading an article, I'm offering myself, my thoughts and musical tastes, my arrangement of poses. I know not everyone has the same tastes, and not everyone will like what I am offering. Just like in this blog, my content comes from me, and may not be what you were interested in reading right now. I can't please everyone all the time. That will take some getting used to.

I am also not typically a very open person with my thoughts and feelings. I listen to other people talk about themselves all day long, and while I'm not exactly a "blank slate," most of my patients don't know a lot about me other than the basics. So I have felt very vulnerable, both in writing this blog and in starting to try to teach. But, I think it has been good for me. I have not felt super in-touch with my creative side in a long time. Now I am looking for inspiration everywhere, and observing more. I'm opening myself emotionally to write these posts and to share a theme, and it seems to be bringing me more in touch with others. I have felt kinder, and have been able to stay in the moment more often. Giving creatively also opens me to receive, so it can come full circle. That sounds like a great theme for a yoga class...

1 comment:

  1. I loved reading this post and I can relate to so much of what you say. It does feel like coming out of my shell in a way to have a blog, and I hear you saying that that is your experience as well in having a blog, as well as in teaching yoga classes. It takes courage, it's outside of the comfort zone, and there is vulnerability whenever there is exposure through open communication of feelings. But this risk and daring also gets the creative energies flowing! As a fellow psychiatrist, I also have had this sense of keeping my personal feelings and life experiences to myself while trying to present for others. It feels right to keep my focus on the person I'm talking with at work. But it's good to have a blog for self-expression! Thank you so much for this post.

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