I am nearing the end of my yoga teacher training and taking the baby steps to progress from student to teacher. I say baby steps because I am holding myself back somehow. I did my first assistant teaching last night, which involves following the lead of the teacher and making adjustments or assists to students. Not a big deal, I didn't have to speak or create a series or theme, but I was so anxious before the class! It went well, and I actually really enjoyed it, so why all the nerves?
My next step is going to be creating my own class to teach to friends or family, people truly "on my side." But once again I'm so anxious! I haven't even started trying to put together a class plan yet. Although there is no urgency, it is the next step I must take to finish the program. There are several women in my class who are already teaching regular classes! I am a confident, intelligent woman with a lot of great ideas to share. Right?? So why do I get filled with self-doubt?
I think most of us have struggled with confidence at one time or another. I am trying to explore where my crisis is coming from. I have taught before, in various capacities, and I was a performer for years. But I think I'm struggling to find my voice. Am I soft-spoken and kind, sharing spiritual thoughts, or am I assertive and funny, weaving interesting anecdotes into the theme? Can I be both? I have had both kinds of teachers, and one beautiful teacher who can be both depending on the class. I don't want to be her, but can I inspire students the way she has inspired me?
I am going to start small with a simple class for my family, then for some girfriends, then for my office staff. These are kind supportive people who will be on my side. Then I can venture into more challenging groups where students don't know me personally. In the meantime, I will be working on my voice, speaking more, writing more, opening my throat chakra. I made great strides in opening up writing this blog, then let it slip away in the last several weeks. I hope to move ahead, and begin again on my road to self-expression. This will allow me to welcome inspiration and share it with others. That is my true goal!
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