Monday, November 8, 2010

Fall Back

In yoga class yesterday, my teacher talked about fall and the time change. She asked us to think about how words matter, and this time of year we "fall back," but in spring we are "springing ahead." Her point was that fall and winter are dormant times when we can fall back into ourselves, and reflect. I loved that, because this time of year is very challenging for me. I was looking at falling back as a euphemism for the low mood, lethargy and avoidance of self-healing that tend to suck me in every fall.
So I can choose to self-reflect and learn something about myself instead of assuming I have to battle my way back from the brink. I am studying my reactions, and my tendency to let the easy way guide me. I haven't been sitting, journalling or blogging. I have been on my mat, but not as often as I'd like. I'm letting the wind stir up my anxiety and worrying about phantoms instead of using my self-soothing to quiet my mind. Eventually it becomes a sticky mire that is harder and harder to escape. The self-reflection mirrors my choices back to me, and I can see now how far I've slid.
Now my choices are becoming depressed and angry that I've allowed this to happen, or I can start back on the path. I got up earlier this morning to sit. I did a mindful yoga practice with some gentle backbends to open my heart and stimulate my energy. It is a lot harder than it was in the summer, though, and we've had great weather so far. I know I have to stay focused and set my intention every day to care for myself the best ways I can. I know the ways, now cones the action. If I open my intention to the universe, I believe I will get the support I need. I just have to do my part and keep looking for it!

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